Wed 4/10 3:30pm: 24 hours after the biopsy the Universe beams a sack of bricks at me and my world becomes a blur as my Dr explains that preliminary pathology report confirms I have breast cancer. What you talking about Willis!? As she explains what this means with my brother on speaker phone I'm having a conversation with myself...
Wait a minute...hold the train! I have a relatively healthy lifestyle, I don't eat sweets, don't even like chocolate, eat little meat, mostly chicken, walk everywhere, exercise, have a small carbon footprint, not to mention all the good karma I've put out to the world with my community service! 2 yrs, 4 months of service with the Peace Corps has got to count for something, right? Not to mention the extra brownie points for living a blessed life, generous with whomever crosses my path, and being a good person. And while we're at it, Universe, let's throw in recently dedicating myself to training for a natural bodybuilding competition. Really, Universe?! This is how you're gonna do me?! I've been blindsided. You're telling me that all I've done and how I've lived is for NOTHING... I DID IT FOR NOTHING?!
In the end, whether it's my genetic makeup or something in the environment, GMO in my meat, Parafen in my deodorant, pollution, not living a balance life (all work little play the latter trumped the healthy lifestyle! THIS IS SOME BS! A wave of anger hits me as I sit in the quiet room listening to my Dr explain the pathology report and next steps. As soon as she finishes and I hang up with my bro she asks if I have any other questions? My anger unleashes in the form of tears. "Nobody wants cancer" is all I can muster thru my sobs. I give myself 5 mins to boowho and feel sorry for myself. That's all the time I'm allowing for a pity party. The Universe obviously knows who she's messing with me because it's on now! If ever there was a challenge I had to face this is it. And Universe, I'm taking it on with a strength of a a tribe of Taino warriors. Tears dry, sobs subside..."Whats next?", I ask the Dr.
She recommends a genetic test which consist of collecting my spit in a tube. In 2 weeks I find out if i have the mutant gene that causes cancer. Chances are slim since only one maternal aunt has been known to have breast cancer in my family but it's possible. She also explains that I will meet with a breast surgeon who will discuss everything in detail including the full complete pathology report on Friday. She hands me a brochure with the Dr.'s info.
The brochure has a full length image of my breast surgeon in his white coat---damn he's Hot! Looks like he's 30-something, tall, dark and Handsome just the way I like my men! "Wow, this is my Dr?", I ask the radiologist. Yes, that's Dr so-and-so an expert in his field and very sweet man. "And not to shabby looking either.", I add. *insert drooling smiley face* Looks like the Universe hasn't left me high and dry. We're gonna call him Dr. Handsome...Oooohweee!
After the consult, I'm prepped for a chest MRI. I'm given a gown and walk to the MRI room. I remind the Tech and Dr that I have nipple rings and ask if that will be a problem. "Do I need to remove them?", I ask. Lets see if we can get some images first a Tech suggest. I lay on my belly with Lumpy & Lefty protruding through a gap and slide into the round coffin-like giant machine whose swishing sound lulls me into a trance.
An IV is placed on my right arm to inject contrast (ink) in my blood stream and chest to better view images. The first round begins, the giant machine wakes with a loud noise. After several minutes the Tech returns...no luck, nipple rings must be removed because they are causing artifacting on the images. This is where the comedy begins.
I explain to both the Dr. and Techs (at this point 2 additional Techs have entered the room) that I've had my nipple rings for 13 years, have never removed them and need special pliers because they don't screw off. All 3 leave the room to figure out a Plan B. You got a pair of pliers? I hear the male Tech ask my Dr as he walks out of the MRI room. Do I look like someone who walks around with pliers? she responds followed by laughter.
Minutes later as I sit and wait unable to attempt removing my rings because the IV is still in my arm, a female Tech walks in and asks if my rings are similar to a belly piercing? Yes, but they don't screw off. I explain again they can only be loosened with a special tool. She asks if she can try to remove them because she use to have a belly piercing. "Knock yourself out.", I say knowing all too well that they minus well be welded shut because fingers are not strong enough to remove them. At this point she is Tech #3 all up on my breast trying to figure out how to remove them.
Seriously, they were meant to come to grave with me... never to be removed. She tries, manages to move the ball a bit but no cigar. She was also afraid of ripping my nipple off accidentally. My Dr cringes while watching and asks "Why would You do that to yourself?" HA! I respond, "Because they're beautiful when decorated!" She's not convinced.
Needless to say, 30 minutes later all attempts to my rings are futile. "Yea, you'll have to go to a shop and get them removed.", advises the Dr. Really? No way! What a surprize! SMH *insert sarcastic smiley face here*
MRI is postponed until Fri.
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